Jaw Clenching

I never thought this day would come. The day where I would be packing to leave Roanoke permanently. I've dreamt of this since I've moved to Roanoke from California. There was always something about Roanoke that never felt like home to me. It might be the lack of beaches or a China Town. It could be a number of reasons. Because of that, I've always wanted to leave and find somewhere I can call home. BUT I am just sad, stressed, and worried! I can't wrap my head around this! The one place I've always wanted to leave and have always avoided while in college, I don't feel like packing my things and leaving this instant!

There are so many things that I worry about when I leave. The stress and worries are jaw clenching, literally, when I sleep. I worry most about my family. For the longest time, I was the go-to person for just about everything. I did everything from translating to driving people around. You name it, I did it. Of course, while I was in college, they waited until I got home. So when I leave, my dad is naturally the next person in line since I am his wing girl. But who will my dad go to when I'm gone?

Then there's Brian. I feel like he's home wherever we are. I know that sounds ridiculously cheesy, but it's so true. Blacksburg isn't the ideal place to live, but it feels more like home than Roanoke. I'll be going into my first year of teaching and he'll be going into his final year of architecture. I hope that we can manage to even spend time being together as oppose to spending time doing work together when we see each other. This will be the second year apart and it's becoming quite draining. But you know what they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder. And I say, it makes you learn to be more patient.

All this worrying about the people in my lives on top of student loan and medical bills pouring in before I can receive my first "big girl job" pay check has made moving a lot harder than I thought.As I pack this next week and a half, I'll pack my books, clothes, and memories and leave behind the worry and jaw clenching.